A Hard Lesson in Bad Friends

*FOR THE RECORD : I know this is petty / low / childish / whatever bullshit opinion you have, but I have been taking the high road for SO LONG NOW. . . I may just burst. Out of all the times I could have "put you on blast" (as the kids say) I have refrained; once, just this once, I am letting it out, for myself and for the dearest of dear friends I have who have been treated similarly by a long-time friend. Plus, I deserve to have a LITTLE fun after playing nice for so long. . . don't I !? ;)

I have come to find that it is exceptionally difficult to distinguish the kind of friends who will be forever-friends from the feeder-friends, the kind of friend who will degenerate over time into a friend-using, generosity-abusing, opportunist, who does little more than suck emotional energy from you (along with any love, loose change, or good-will-toward-man you may have to offer).


Friend Quiz : Can you spot the Feeder-friend !?!





How is one to know the difference!?! :P

You can't tell!?! It is nearly impossible until it is too late!?!

I mean, I am a smart girl, but even I cannot figure out the formula for this problem.

For example :

You can go through nearly a whole DECADE of friendship with a person, only to find that after YEARS and YEARS of supporting their life choices - repeatedly lifting them up from low points, catching them when they fall (both literally and figuratively), and nurturing them even to the detriment of your own well-being - they will let you down and completely dismiss the importance of maintaining a deep-rooted friendship.


The hardest part of this lesson is HOW LONG it takes for reality to sink in! How many excuses are made, how much "benefit of the doubt" is given. . .


It takes many, MANY (practically countless) gut-wrenching, tear-jerking, jaw-dropping acts of friendship-abuse before one recognizes such a friend. Sadly, recognition is not enough to pull you out of this destructive-friend cycle. It takes further crimes against honor, decency, loyalty, and the Constitution of the United States of True Friendship before this recognition turns into action, and the disillusionment finally wins you over; at some point, sense convinces your heart to allow you to dissolve the friendship. (Which creates an entirely new form of pain, equally as earth-shattering as the shocking pain of the the crimes that lead to it.)

THE GOOD NEWS : Not all friends are this way, the bulk of my friends are stellar, fantastic, super-star friends. People who have your best interest at heart, never let you down, and repay the kindness you bestow upon them. Thank goodness for the amazing friends I am blessed to have in my life!!!!

In defense of these great friendships, in defense of my own heart, and in honor of the type of friend I am to others, I hereby say :

Good riddance!

To friends who think that domestic and international travel, start-up business plans and monetary schemes, citizenship and blame games, new friends and girlfriends, exploring hobbies and having adventures, getting cooler cars and performing motorcycle maintenance are more important than someone who was once a focal-point in their life!

Fare well!

To false expectations, empty words, unkept promises, selfish motives and being let down over and over again by someone you trust.

I am done!!! :D Hooray!!!

I am not saying this task has been easy, I am not saying the pain and anger are gone, or will soon be, but I am taking a stand against Feeder-friends and against being taken advantage of!
Who is with me!?! ha-ha!! :P

Quiz Answers :

I hope those of you who fit the bill are proud knowing that some where out there is a person who will never again believe what you say, even if it is as simple as "I will speak to you soon." I know you won't, so no worries, the pressure is off : you do not need to say these things to me any more, I know you will not follow through! You are free of me!

(Now, if only I could get my $, my diginity, the fragments of my heart once reserved for you, and my sweatshirt back. . .and if only you could cease to exist in the social networks of my life. . .! lol)

Finally, I hope those of you who have gone through the same thing find the strength within you to keep Feeder-friends from sucking you dry, and please know you will always have a Forever-friend and a ranting partner in me. :D

Peace out! (See, don't we ALL feel much better with that out in the open!?) ;)

Mi Vecina es un Diablo

Accost: to approach and speak to often in a challenging or aggressive way.

I feel that even this definition may be to kind and light hearted to explain the verbal altercation that was bestowed upon my roommate and I in the elvator this evening by our previously mentioned noisy, morning-music-blaring neighbors. (Please, see Dec 1st post for a little background info.)

:: sigh :: Truthfully, I was so thrown off, offended, infuriated and aggitated by this event that I am finding myself a little drained trying to relate it at the moment. (If only I could have had my computer with me while I was fuming and ranting in the laundromat just moments after leaving the roommate behind while I powerwalked up the hill in an effort to get away from the neighbor and my anger.)

Long story short... our neighbor is a psycho who started screaming at us (mainly me, for some reason, as apparently I am a person people feel they need to F***ing rudely attack) when we had to ride the elevator down to the first floor with her and her daughter.... Here's a little run down...

me: "Please hold the elevator!"

Elevator outter door closes, neighbors do not hold it open, I catch the door before the inner door closes (eaning we'd have to wait forEVer for it to go down to the first floor and back up to the fifth and avoid hauling our bags and bags of laundry down five flights.)

me and em: try to smile at grouchy lady neighbor and daughter. grouchy lady neighbor gives us a pissed look. (ok???)

Vecina Loca: "You live in the corner."

me: "Yes? We live next to you." (duh lady, you've seen us, you know where we live.)

VL: "You are not asleep at 11?!"

me: "no..." (cut off.)

VL: "You are always laughing. 'ha ha. ha ha.' I have kids!! They have to go to school!!"

me: "I'm sorry? (confused and surprised) I'm so sorry, if we are too loud, if you need us to be quiet, just come knock on our door and ask us. We don't mind, we'll be..." (cut off)

VL: "One morning, ONE MORNING there was music, because of my father! You! You banged on the wall! 'Bang!' "

(FOR THE EFFING RECORD!!! I tried to sleep through the EFFING music that had STARTLED me from my sleep because it was SO loud... AND THEN I tried to knock on their door, but they would NOT ANSWER!!!!!! THEN I had to sadly, RESORT to knocking on the wall, softly at first, then louder till they FINALLY heard me and BANGED BACK!!!! Barely, BARELY turning the music from an 11 to a 10.)

me: "I am sorry, but it was very early in the morni..." (cut off)

VL: "Music was for my father! You are too loud! Always! You do not know! You are stupid? Are you so stupid!? I have kids!"

me: "Ma'am, PLEASE calm down and we can talk, PLEASE let me..." (cut off)

Here I TRIED AND TRIED AND TRIED not to yell, I did not fully succeed at keeping my cool, but for me it was a herioc effort not to GO OFF on this lady, I wanted to tear her apart, verbally and maybe even pull her hair. However, I TRIED AND TRIED not to get out of control as she continued to YELL and YELL and YELL at me as we WALKED OUT of the building.

me: (over her yelling) "Ma'am I will not talk to a rude person. NO! I am DONE talking to you. NO!"

I begin to haul ass up the hill that is our block, leaving Em behind, knowing if I stay a second more I will lose all my cool. Knowing it is better to flea than increase the level of EVIL growing on our stoop. As I am leaving I hear her shout, "FUCKING STUPID!!!" And she keeps yelling as the blood of rage boils up into my ears.

So... yeah, if there was anything that could make living next to LOUD people any worse... it's THAT.

PLUS, to make matters WORSE they arrived back to the building right after us, we hurried to push the button to avoid another ride from hell with el Diablo. Then, about 15 min later we hear them in their apt BANGING on our shared wall.

Em has noticed many times that they flush the toilet while she is in the shower, multiple times in a row during one shower session. Em just got out of the shower and said the toilet flushed TWICE while she was in there, icing her water.

Apparently, we are hated. Considering we are 23 years old, NEVER throw parties, do not play drums, violins, or trumpets (like the young guys across the hall), do not stomp, wrestle or bang around all hours of the day (like the neighbors above), and do not blow New Year's party horns or play the recorder for HOURS on end (like said Diablo neighbors have been doing the last few weeks), I think this bitch should consider herself DAMN LUCKY that all we do is watch TV and laugh at 11pm. It's NOT a party, it's NOT like we yell, it's NOT like it's 3am, and it's NOT LIKE WE EVEN KNEW WE WERE CAUSING DISCOMFORT FOR OTHERS!!!

WHAT THE F***!?!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!?

*NEWS FLASH!!!!* Snow Day!!!

Ladies and gentlemen! Step right up and see it! NYC's first snow of the season!!!

All week the news has been alerting us to the oncoming storm and this morning we woke up to our FIRST sight of SNOW in the big city!!!

HOOOORAAAYY!!! :)

It is so pretty and amazing and cold and exciting and fun!!! And... yeah!!!

WOOHOOO!!! It's SNOW!!

Like the CA newbies that we are we leaned out our apartment window snapping pics as if we were tourists.

On the street and cars below everything was dusted with a thin layer of fluffy, icy white. We could see our Super and many other men (presumably supers of the other buildings) shoveling the sidewalks. Making great progress they all worked together to clean, not just a path, but the full width of the sidewalk.

We touched the snow on our window sills and fire escape... BRRrrrr!! hehe

THEN, it began to fall from the sky. Slowly at first, floating down gently to stick to other, already fallen flakes. Then, faster and faster, whirling and swirling through the sky.

It was so fun and amazing.

To top it all off Em made us some yummy, yummy french toast to mark our first day of snow.
It has been a kick-ass morning. :) Yay!!!

Eek! A mouse!!!

Well, I guess I did not leave much mystery with this one. But, when it comes to a mouse-situation, there is no time for subtelty.

Yes, my friends, we have a mouse. Maybe two.

The other night, Em had gone to bed and I was sitting in the living room. I began to notice a faint scratchy-scratchy sound coming from the kitchen. I froze, muted the TV, and listened closely.

Was I hearing things!?

No.

There it was again!

Well, I thought, our furnaces are loud, maybe it is the pipe and its odd array of pops, whistles and whirs...

I went into the kitchen and listened very carefully, trying to discern where the sound was originating.

No, it was NOT the furnace. The sound was coming from UNDER the stove!

It MUST be a mouse!!

Great.

I shook some boxes around on the floor and suddenly... the sound stopped. Yup. There was no denying it.

I tried not to be too disappointed or freaked out that we had acquired a dirty little mouse as a third roommate. I went to bed and attempted to not think about our new houseguest. However, this proved very difficult since I could hear a scrape-scraping, wiggle-wiggling noise IN MY CLOSEST!!!

I sat up quickly and with wide eyes, holding my breath, STARED at the closet... The scuttling noise got louder and LOUDER and more frantic! AND SUDDENLY!!!

Out of my closet shot a speedy little rodent!!! He scurried hurriedly near my dresser and over to the bedroom door, where he nimbly squeezed himself through the small gap between the door and floor.

OH NO!!!!!

It was IN MY ROOM!!! ACK!!!!

It was bigger than I thought it would be. It was in my closet. It was awake and running around our house!

How did it get here? What did it want? Where was it now!?

So... here we are, we have a new adventure to deal with. The removal of the mice. I am very nervous and fearful of the normal snap-traps... I mean, I feel bad enough killing the poor, defenseless animal just trying to scrape by in life, but then having to pick up its sad, lifeless little body and dispose of it!?!? No, no way.

We are thinking of bribing our Super (with some of Em's baked goods) to dispose of any successfully trapped rodents.

I have yet to see them again, but I am sure I heard one in the wall last night. EEEEKKK!!! Wish us luck with this new trial! hehe

RUDE Awakenings...

RUDE!

It started out as our word of the week, a couple weeks back, due to the abundance of rude people and actions we had encountered. However, we are coming to find, sadly, that RUDE just may be a natural state of being that we have to deal with living in "The Greatest City in the World."

The main reasons for our awakening to the RUDE state-of-being go beyond the every day RUDE scenarios (for example, subway issues: blocking doors, blcoking stairs, not moving to the middle of the train, taking up 1.5 seats, etc etc...) and delve into the realm of "what were you thinking" actions bestowed upon us by those we trusted, complete strangers, and unknown neighbors.

For example:

In addition to the upstairs neighbors- with the baby that screams and cries in the middle of the night (often at intervals 1 a.m., 3 a.m. and 6 a.m.), followed by parents who stomp and bang around the house, as if they were fleeing a fire instead of comforting their child- my bedroom shares a wall with our next-door neighbors' living room.

I have already had issues with their late-night loud, LOUD TV watching, which I endeavor to ignore. However, this week they took it to a whole new level.

I was awoken Friday morning, at 6:45 a.m. (!!!!!), by the sound of a Hispanic band playing SO LOUDLY that it was as if the wall, between my room and their radio, did not even exist. It was as if I had the band standing over my bed blowing their horns into my ears.

GOOD MORNING!!!!! TOOT TOOT!!!!

WHAT WERE THEY THINKING?!? It was BLARING! It was still SO early in the morning!? Did they think no one else could hear it?! Did they think I was knocking on the wall to say "Hello" !?!

NO!!! I was saying please, PLEASE!! For the love of everything peaceful and sane! Turn it down to a dull roar! Turn it down to where I hear muffled guitars through the wall that can be tuned out!

Their "knock-knock" back to me lead me to believe, this may have been an intentional wake-up call, and they were tap-tapping, "You're welcome, neighbor!" back to me. I honestly can not fathom how they could have done such a thing UNintentionally. That would require complete ignorance of the fact that they have neighbors... and I KNOW they have seen us. I have brought them mail, held the elevator for them, and smiled at their children.

RUDE!!!


Another, WONDERFUL, example also occurred this week and requires a little bit of background info:

The neighbors across the hall are two college-age guys. We can hear them playing instruments from time to time: trumpet, violin, drums. LUCKILY (for THEM.) they choose to play them at decent hours and never for too torturously long of an interval. We have seen the back of their heads going into their apartment (through our peep-hole as we try to catch a peek of who our neighbors might be), but up until this week had yet to meet them (well, I have still yet to meet them, but if they want to avoid verbal backlash it is in their best interest to avoid me).

Em rushed to unlock the door the other evening because she thought she heard me coming in and wanted to give me a hand. As she flung the door open she came face-to-face with our neighbor, not her roommate. (The sounds in the hall are very tricky and it often sounds like someone is coming into our apartment when they are really going into their own.)

She explained her reason for bursting out the door at him and introduced herself. She found out that they guys used to live in our apartment, but moved when the landlord was redoing our floors. Also, they both attend Columbia.

Now, the fun begins.

That same night, we have some ring us from the front door buzzer. Having few friends, and even fewer who come to our house, and not having ordered any food, we were confused and startled.

Em used the intercom to ask who was there, and the garbled reply was something about... his brother from Columbia saying the girls from California would buzz him in.

Well. The NERVE. I mean, we did not mind at all, we were not doing anything and... it is not a big deal to buzz someone in... BUT you just BARELY met... ONE of us. What makes you think you can pawn someone off on our (very loud, startling buzzer) without even giving us a warning first? Just ASK. Thanks.

So, Em buzzes him in and we hear him unlock and go into the apartment across the hall. Ok, good: he has keys... so they must actually know him.

The next night, our across-the-hall neighbors joined the ranks of my Neighbors I Can Not Tollerate list and here is why:

It is 1:30 a.m. and after struggling to fall asleep (as I have been lately) I am suddenly awake and confused: did I just hear something? was I having a dream?

No answers to those questions arise so I try to drift back to sleep again.

WAIT!! There it is the noise! SHIT! What was that? An alarm? What!?!?

OH!!! The door buzzer!!! Crap. Was that OUR apartment? A neighbor's!? (Since you can hear EVERYTHING, even phones ringing, this was in no way a stretch.)

I'm laying, on edge, in my bed. Trying to listen. Trying not to freak out... when...

OH NO!!! IT IS OURS!!!!

Who is rining our buzzer!? Why?! We do not know that many people! IT MUST BE SOMEONE CRAZY!!!!

I jump out of bed and sneak into the hall, coming face-to-face with Em. She had heard it too. We were both alert and alarmed. (Like I said the buzzer is STARTLING, I wish you could hear it and jump out-of-your-skin like we sometimes do when it rings.)

We do not know what to do, and do not want to talk down to a CRAZY PERSON. Who buzzes two, young, unknown girls at 1:30 in the morning!?!?

We creep over to the window where, as we have learned waiting for food, you can see our building's front door by looking at the reflection in a window across the street.

There is a man. A boy. A boy is buzzing us! A stranger! A creepy, night-time stranger! What do we do!?!?!

He is white. He has short hair, a little curly or wavy on top. Maybe it is the same guy who knows our neighbors? Em thinks it might be. We wait.

We see him making a call on his cell phone. We step away from the window, perplexed... annoyed... pissed at being awake and freaked out by some person. The buzzer rings AGAIN!!!

CRAP!!! We hate that thing! We decided it must be the neighbor's brother. We do not want to let him in. We do not think we should reward his bad behavior by letting him in.

We decide to go back to bed. I go to the bathroom. We barely close our doors when...

BUUUZZZZZ!!!!!!!!

PISSED. SO PISSED!!!!

I go back to the buzzer and SHOVE down the "talk" button.

"What do you want!? Who are you looking for!?!"

"Uh, my brother Tim? He lives here?"

"He lives WHERE!?! What apartment!?!"

"Uh... 57? Or 56? 57."

"WELL! You are BUZZING 57 and TWO GIRLS live here!! We do not appreciate being woken up in the middle of the night BY A STRANGER and would not like to buzz a MAN into the building who we DO NOT KNOW!!"

"Oh. Well, my brother Tim lives..."

"DID SOMEONE BUZZ YOU IN LAST NIGHT!?!"

"yes...?"

"WELL! That was my ROOMMATE. We will buzz you in AGAIN. THIS TIME. But do NOT buzz us AGAIN!!!!!!!!"

BUZZZZ!!!


What was he THINKING!?! Did your brother MOVE apartments!? Yes. He did. And what apartment did you go into last night!? 56. Why would you buzz 57!?

WHY would you buzz it FOUR TIMES!? Depsite the fact that NO ONE was answering!?

WHY would you think you buzzed the RIGHT apartment when a GIRL answered!?!

RUUDDDEE!!!!!


Sigh. So, yes, we have learned that people in this city (and nearby counties...):
a- Do not think.
b- Like to bug others.
c- Are RUDE!

No excuses or apologies. They just are and they do not care. End of story.